I have always been thin, short, and petite all my life while having a bottomless stomach and appetite double my size. I have been made fun of because of my size even though people think they have kind intentions. I have been made to feel insecure by comments from my own family, men that I date, and people in the society that I am a part of. I have compared myself to other girls and been compared by others. I have also been complimented and made to feel lucky for such a combination of size and appetite.
But I am for one that is lucky enough to start to define my own beauty since my early 20s. Not to say I don't struggle with beauty ideals or be affected by comments from others. I do struggle and I see that it is and will always be work in progress.
How did I or do I continue to define my own ideals of beauty for myself? Well I stopped listening to what others have to say about my body. I would tell myself to be strong and tune out these noises. I would tell myself to be grateful of what I have, all the edges and curves. I remind myself that my mother gave me life and that she raised me to be a healthy being. I take myself out of the comfort zone of being thin and challenge myself to dance, exercise, and try new physical activities. I allow myself to think that being toned and muscular is sexy, especially on women. I tell myself that my physical limits should not stop me from reaching for the impossible, and that these "limits" can be conquered.
I tell myself I can be a performer, a model, a fashion designer, a star, because I have the power to make myself into one, to set an example for women that look like me, to inspire all to chase their dreams and not to wait for the right opportunity to come find them. I nourish my inner beauty while I polish my appearance outward. Because when all is said and done, all that you leave behind is the feelings, memories, or changes you instill in others. And that, is the truest beauty of all.